FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
