You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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