just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
