i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
