He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
