i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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