my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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