Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
