I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
