im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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