Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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