I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
