She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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