Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
