No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
