in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
This house was built for laser tag.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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