Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
