just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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