My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
