just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
