Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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