Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
