clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
