I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
