and you said cock pushups were impossible
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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