They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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