we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
