I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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