I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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