I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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