I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
