saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
