We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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