I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
