there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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