We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
