That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
