Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
