i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
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