you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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