Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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