Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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