walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
