If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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