Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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