Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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