I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
