Pappa wants mamma naked
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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