Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
