went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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