Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
