so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
