Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
