That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
