Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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