spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
sarcasm needs its own font
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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