just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
