My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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