I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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