Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
