You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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