he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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