So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
my being single is dangerous.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
